Wednesday, August 29, 2007

110 degrees in the truck will melt chocolate

And why am I in here? That's what I thought when I drove the hour communte from Mesa to Phoenix for about 6 months during my first pregnancy. And the truck had no ac. I had a good hour to wrestle with heat invoked dry heaving while maintaining a clutch in stop and go traffic. And that was one way. It makes me nauseaus to write about it. Sympathy pains for myself. But I had a craving one day for peanut m&m's. As I was sitting at my very grey and uninspiring cubicle, a sudden panic hit for the chocolate wonders with a very pleasant crunch. And there was no free agency left. Mission: I must obtain peanut m&m's or I shall go mad. And pursuit began. With a wrist flick, unsuspecting coins resting peacefully at the bottom of my desk drawer were suddenly clawed up for active duty, and within moments my coin-filled fist fired at at the innocent vending machine. It instantly surrendered the yellow booty bag, and I had my satiation satisfied. And it was just a small bag, maybe what 7 oz. or whatever that size was. I thought I was being entirely unrestrained and gluttonous when I ate that bag in two bites. I was ravenous. But it worked and I craved no more that day. I had no real idea what real craving was, until I had two children. Then I realized that severe cravings come after pregnancy. One day -two children later- I ate an entire family size bag of the candy endorphins by myself. And that day, I earned it. But this day, I'm paying for it with 20 lbs that refuse to leave me alone. Yes, I have a food storage. It's on the middle shelf right under the rib cage. Okay, maybe not food storage, but definitely left overs.

Lesson: leaving yourself unsatisfied only causes binging. But unrestraint inevitably brings remorse. You must fill yourself with good things so there is no craving for the bad.

It's been a long August

Busy, but well worth the effort. With school begun and routines in check, I'm back. Full of interruptions and ideas. And while we're on the interruptions idea, that's what my afternoon was sparkled with. Little ideas that interrupt regular routines that require immediate action. So that's what I did. I interrupted my layer 1 (dishes) with a sparkling new thought of a song. I haven't written a song since college. I've tried, but the right brain connection is often unhooked since the left brain is in such strong demand. And if the right brain ever does get hooked back on the train, there's static and stones on the tracks. Dizzying thoughts, yes? Or just more static electricity that needs good channelling, really. And no, this does not follow normal trains of thoughts, if you are asking yourself why you are reading this and if it should make sense. It makes sense to me on my train of thought, but my stream of consciousness thought train often derails and lands just there, in the stream. It feels great to get all refreshed from the dip, though. So, could I offer you a lift?